(My) Kids Say the Darndest Things

Today is Delurker Day, in which blog readers are supposed to not just read but leave me a comment already, you Lurky Lurkersons. Actually, scratch that, go over to fellow Indy-dweller and mom DesignHER Momma's blog and leave her a comment. Today (you still have six hours—go!) she's donating $1 for every comment to Compassion International Haiti Disaster Relief Fund. All I can really promise you is to drink a Diet Coke for every comment on my blog.

So anyway, I know I just had a "ha ha ha check it out my kids are ridiculous" post. But Henry and Eleanor are at that wonderful age where I feel like I could transcribe everything they say throughout the day.

•••

JENNIFER: You guys look like you’ve grown.
HENRY: I grow and grow and get big and strong!
ELEANOR: I grow tall and drink your Coke!

•••

Henry, shaking his hands as if operating imaginary jackhammer
JENNIFER: What’cha doing, Henry?
HENRY: Breaking up rocks. (wipes imaginary sweat from brow) Whew! It’s a hard job, Mom.

•••

HENRY: My nose is a candle!
JENNIFER: Um, why is your nose a candle, sweetheart?
HENRY: Blow on it, Mom!
JENNIFER: (blows on nose, still confused)
HENRY: You blew the fire off of it!

•••

Henry and Eleanor cover boxes with blankets, begin hitting them
HENRY & ELEANOR: PONGA! PONGA!
JENNIFER: Are you guys playing bongos?
HENRY & ELEANOR: YEAH! PONGA!

•••

family watching Wheel of Fortune, Jennifer shouts out answer
JENNIFER: Acquired taste!
ELEANOR: I’M a acquired taste!

•••

JENNIFER: Henry, you need to help your father pick up your toys.
HENRY: He’s not my father.
JENNIFER: Oh, really? What is he, then?
HENRY: My DAD.

•••

HENRY: Where’s my toboggan?
ELEANOR: Where’s MY toboggan?
ANDY: I don’t know, and uh, how do you know the word toboggan?

(We’ve since figured out Caillou was responsible.)

•••

Henry and Eleanor haven’t learned to lie yet. This comes in handy when they’ve done things they shouldn’t. “Did you just hit your brother/sister?” “Yes, I did!”

My favorite recent example:

JENNIFER: Henry, did you just throw my booklight?
HENRY: Yes, Mom, behind the chair! (walks over to chair, makes toddler jazz hands in direction of booklight) TA-DA!!!!!!

•••

Kids and Jennifer eating lunch, Elvis comes on radio
HENRY: Who’s that? Who’s that, Mom?
JENNIFER: That’s “Jailhouse Rock” by Elvis.
HENRY: That man in bathtub!
JENNIFER: Okay?

•••

HENRY: (playfully pulling on Jennifer’s scarf) I pull you. I pull you, Mom, and break you. I break you in half like a Pop-Tart.

•••

ELEANOR: (asking for a snack) Mom! I want some Goldfish! I want some Goldfish and raisins! I want some Goldfish and pretzels, Mom! No, Mom! I no want Goldfish! I want pretzels!
JENNIFER: (muttering under breath) This is why I drink.