Remembering Sam and Emilie (warning: sad)

Last night was the annual candlelight ceremony hosted by the hospital where Sam and Emilie were born. Each December they have a ceremony in honor of families that have lost infants. We’ve attended every year from 2004 on, and this year brought Henry and Eleanor with us. We knew that having to monitor our second set of twins meant that we wouldn’t be able to fully focus on our first set of twins, but it is important to Andy and I that we start attending as a family. Henry and Eleanor did really well; Henry sat quietly on Andy’s lap, and I took Eleanor out in the hall to run off some steam after lighting our candles for Sam and Emilie.

A highlight of the ceremony is seeing the other families who attended our support group with us for the year or so after we lost the twins. All of us have gone on to have other children, and what fun it was to see them all run around together after the ceremony. Andy and I cherish these other families, although we wish we had met them for reasons other than we’ve all lost babies. But it is so comforting to be in a group where we can casually mention Sam and Emilie, and where others see Andy and I as parents of four children.

Sam and Emilie are in my thoughts every day, but especially at this time of year. Their due date was December 12, although they more likely would have arrived around Thanksgiving had my pregnancy continued to term. As I enjoy spending time with family during the holidays, I fervently wish that Sam and Emilie could be there to celebrate the day with us. They would be four years old now—what a fun age. I wonder what they’d be asking Santa for this year?

I know most days this blog is lighthearted, but it’s that way only because Sam and Emilie taught me to cherish every day with Henry and Eleanor. This web site will mainly be cataloging the adventures of Henry and Eleanor as they grow, but I also want to make sure I take time to remember their brother and sister, too.

I wrote a paper for an English class I took the year after Sam and Emilie were born. We were asked to write an essay about a personal experience, and I chose to write about the twins’ birth. It’s kinda long, so I’ll put it in a separate post. Their birth was a traumatic event in my life, but makes me so grateful for the happiness that fills my life now.